


I'll Find You

by Kimmimaru



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam just wants to be nice but Keith is not going to let him, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pre-Canon, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 10:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15749649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmimaru/pseuds/Kimmimaru
Summary: Keith searches for signs that Shiro is still alive after the news announces his death, all the while slowly killing himself through drink and random one-night stands. Adam tries to reconcile with Keith to help him overcome his grief but Keith's utter refusal to accept Shiro's death makes it very hard for Adam to help.





	I'll Find You

“ _Today we mourn the tragic loss of three of our bravest men,”  
  
_ Keith sat in the bar, underage but with a fake ID tucked away in his wallet. He gripped his drink in one hand, eyes glued to the TV screen above it. It showed the memorial speech by Admiral Sanda, she stood in front of a crowd and spoke about those lost on the mission to Kerberos. Keith's fingers tingled, his chest feeling as if a black hole had opened up inside him. He could hardly breathe.   
  
_“Lieutenant Takashi Shirogane, one of our best and brightest was the pilot for this mission. Always the top of his classes while attending the garrison as a young cadet, he was an upstanding individual and will be missed by all.”_  
  
Keith rose, knees shaking as he turned and left the bar. He walked out onto the streets with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. Since Shiro had been gone he'd tried his hardest to live up to his high expectations but an incident at the Garrison had soon put a quick end to what had been shaping up to be a promising career. Iverson had been disappointed, everyone else had told him they had expected it. Keith had tried, he'd studied, he'd worked his hardest to prove everyone wrong about him but it seemed that they had all been right. His team tried to talk to him, to engage him but he was cold and often brushed their attempts at friendship aside. He knew Shiro would've been disappointed but Keith wasn't the friendly type. They asked too many probing questions, they teased him, one kid had even tried to lock him in a locker until he'd had his nose rearranged by Keith's fist. And that was it, one too many black marks and Iverson had had no choice but to boot him.  
  
Keith paused, the dusty street before him blurring and his eyes stinging. The news of the disastrous Kerberos mission hadn't reached him until much later, when they finally put it out on the news. First they were simply missing, there had been some hope of Shiro's survival but now...now they had been declared dead. Something deep inside him rebelled at that, something vicious and painfully bright. It screamed in his chest like big cat, clawing and spitting and furious at the world for lying. Shiro wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. It was all a mistake...yet, he'd been gone for months. There was no sign of any kind of communication. All was silent.   
  
His eyes moved up to the stars he could see peeking between high-rise buildings. The wind picked up, brushing hair from his eyes as he swayed a little drunkenly where he stood. The air was hot and dry, heavy in his lungs as he tried to take a breath. He choked on it, releasing a tiny sob that he quickly stifled with one gloved hand. He fell against the wall of the building he was beside and hung his head, trying to regain control. Shiro wasn't dead. He wasn't. Keith took a sharp breath, forcing his tears away, feeling like he was betraying Shiro by daring to grieve. He frowned and straightened up, turning to the nearest bar. It was a dingy place, old country music blaring through it's thin walls. Keith pushed open the doors and entered, the few patrons all looked up at him eyeing him suspiciously but Keith ignored them and sat down at the bar. He tossed some money on top of it and ordered a drink. The man behind the bar didn't even ask for his ID before pouring him something in an ancient, cracked glass. Keith caught it as it was pushed down the bar into his hand and downed it in one, ordering another.  
  
Three more drinks later and Keith was feeling pleasantly numb, the ache of Shiro's absence throbbed dully like an old bruise. He swayed in his seat, listening to the terrible music and staring at the bottles lining the back wall. His bladder soon let him know he had to empty it and he rose unsteadily from his stool, feeling eyes on his backside as he did so. He turned, seeing a man that seemed oddly familiar in the corner but Keith couldn't put a name to the face in his drunken stupor. He shrugged it off and went to use the bathroom. While he was pissing another man entered, Keith ignored him, trying to focus on not pissing on his own boots. He ignored the feeling of eyes sliding over his body and went about his business. As he was bent over the sink washing his hands he felt a hand caress his backside, he jerked away and spun around to see a large man in his forties smirking down at him.  
  
“Bit young to be drinkin', ain't ya?”  
  
“That's none of your damned business, asshole.” Keith snapped, turning to move away, wiping his damp hands on his jeans. But a strong hand gripped his wrist and pulled him back.  
  
“You lookin' for a good time? I could pay ya. You look like that sort.”  
  
“What? No. I don't want your money.” Keith felt hands slide up his sides and growled, one kick in the man's shin had him writhing on the floor. He turned on his heel and left the bathroom and the man cursing behind him.  
  
Keith went from bar to bar, drinking away his sorrow until he found himself in some random guys arms. He was pressed up against the wall, one hand in thick pale hair and a pair of blue eyes staring into his own. He closed his eyes and let lips trail across his jaw before the guy whispered in his ear; “Wanna take this somewhere more private?”  
  
Keith woke up in a strangers apartment on the fifth floor of a building, he groaned, a headache throbbing in the recesses of his mind. He rubbed at his eyes and turned his head to see the guy beside him, blond, cute with a few freckles. He rolled out of bed, naked as the day he was born and started searching for his underwear and clothes. He found them scattered across the room and put them all on. He sniffed his t-shirt and deemed it acceptable before pulling it over his head.   
  
Without looking back Keith left his night-time partner and set off back into the city. He found his hover bike surprisingly still where he'd left it the previous evening, except for the small pink ticket that told him he had a fine. Keith didn't even look at it as he ripped it from the windshield and stuffed it into the nearest bin. He threw his leg over the seat and started the engine, ignoring how his hands shook.  
  
Keith went out into the desert, at home surrounded by rocks and sand. The sun was a big fat orb hanging in the sky, blasting the desert with heat. Keith dodged through the impressive pillars of rocks, each one unique and guiding him home again. He spotted his tiny shack silhouetted on the horizon, a little black square nestled in amongst the sand and emptiness. He skidded to a halt on a low cliff, seeing an unfamiliar car parked outside. Keith frowned and watched as the little figure of a man pushed himself away from the gleaming car and seemed to turn in his direction. Keith licked his dry lips, his stomach reminding him he hadn't eaten that morning before he kicked his bike into gear and leapt off the side of the cliff in a move he'd seen Shiro do a thousand times.  
  
He approached his home at a dangerous speed and as he reached it he skidded to a halt, spraying the intruders car with sand. He cut the engine and jumped off, ready to start a fight, “Hey! Get off of my property!” He reached for the knife he kept on his person at all times, “Hey, you listening?!” The person turned around slowly, it took Keith a moment to place his face and then he took two steps back, “What? A-Adam?”  
  
Adam pushed his glasses further up onto his nose and looked slightly awkward, “I'm sorry to...to disturb you.” He muttered, frowning at his immaculate shoes, “I wasn't certain if you'd welcome me but...I had to come.”  
  
“Well, you're not exactly the first person I'd expect to come here of all places. How'd you even find me?”  
  
“I found your address in Takashi's things when I was c-clearing them out.”  
  
Keith swallowed, eyes widening, “I...” His voice dried up and he turned his head away, “Yeah...you-uh...wanna come in?”  
  
“Yes, it might be a good idea to discuss this inside.”  
  
“Sure.” Keith opened his door and entered, followed by Adam who looked around the tiny one-roomed place with surprise.  
  
“Keith, what are you eating?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“There's no fridge...there's not even a real bed in here.”  
  
Keith shrugged, “I make do.” He muttered, crouching in front of a stack of boxes. He opened one and rummaged through it, “I've only got vitamin juice right now.”  
  
“Garrison supplied?”  
  
Keith offered Adam a weak grin, “Yeah, you gonna tell?”  
  
“There doesn't seem to be much point.” Adam sighed, shaking his head and taking a seat on the sofa, “If Takashi saw how you were living-”  
  
“But he can't.” Keith snapped, a sudden flare of rage threatening to engulf him before he took a deep breath, “Sorry...I didn't mean-” He turned to find Adam with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He clutched a box of juice in his hand and watched for a moment until Adam managed to pull himself back under control.  
  
“I'm sorry, I didn't come here to break down on you. You don't need that.”

  
“It...it's fine.” Keith offered the drink and Adam took it with a shaking hand, “Why are you here, Adam?”  
  
“I came here to...ask you if you would attend Takashi's memorial service. Not the official military one but one for just family and friends...”  
  
“He didn't have any family.” Keith muttered, head low as he sat on a stack of boxes across from Adam.  
  
“Except for his friends, no.” Adam agreed quietly, looking at the drink rather than the boy sat across from him, “By the way, you look terrible.”  
  
Keith rubbed at his hair, “Yeah, just got back from the city,”  
  
“I saw you. You were drunk and went home with some random guy,” Adam arched an eyebrow, fixing Keith with a knowing stare, “Is this what you're going to spend your time doing now? Stealing food and supplies from the Garrison and then going out drinking and spending nights with strangers?”  
  
“What's it to you? Why would you care?” Keith snapped in retaliation, “You dumped Shiro the second you learned he was going on the mission-”  
  
“Don't. Don't you dare.” Adam's voice broke, “I know what I did. I had my reasons and none of them concern you. What happened was between me and Takashi, do you understand?”  
  
Keith snapped his mouth shut, “Yeah...whatever. I want you to go. You don't need to waste your time worrying about me. I'll survive, I'm good at that at least.”  
  
“Takashi never thought he was wasting his time with you, Keith.” Adam answered, his voice suddenly soft, “He cared about you. A lot. You were so important to him, like a little brother-” He watched Keith wince and sighed, “He would want you to live, Keith. He would want you to thrive.”  
  
“Yeah, well...maybe I can't do that. Maybe...maybe I really am the useless trash everyone thought I was. I got booted because I can't control my temper. Honestly, a part of me is glad Shiro wasn't here to see that.”  
  
Adam rose and looked out of the window, moving the sheet nailed to it to act as a curtain, “I came here to check on you, to make sure you weren't in some ditch starving to death. Takashi would have wanted someone to make sure you were doing ok.”  
  
Keith bowed his head, eyes stinging as he wrapped both arms around his middle, “He...he's not dead. He can't be dead, Adam.”  
  
Adam turned to see Keith crumpled on his pathetic stack of boxes. He was dirty, hair tangled and reeking of old booze. A mess of scraped knuckles, split lips and a faded black eye, “Keith, there's no way anyone could have survived out there with their limited supplies...” Adam's voice cracked and wiped at his eyes beneath his glasses, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He's gone...we have to accept-”  
  
There was a crash as Keith leapt to his feet, breathing hard and face twisted in fury, Adam was forced to take several steps back in shock as the boy advanced on him, “No! No I won't accept it! He's not dead. He's alive out there somewhere and I'm not gonna give up on him as easily as everyone else. Can't...can't you feel it? I know he's alive. I don't...I don't know how but I can feel it, deep in my bones. It's why I came back here after I was kicked out, this place...I feel connected to him somehow. It...sounds insane but it's true.”  
  
“Keith, calm down.”

  
Keith stepped away, turning his back, “If you wanna give up on him you do that but I'll die before I ever let him go.”  
  
Adam watched him for a long time in silence before he moved, “I hope you can move on one day, Keith. For your sake.” He went to the door and opened it, “And make sure you try to find a less illegal way to feed yourself. Please, for Takashi.”  
  
Keith watched the door swing shut behind Adam and listened to the sound of his car starting, he curled up in a ball on the lumpy old sofa and closed his eyes, “Sh-Shiro...” He pressed his face into his arm and let the tears come.  
  
That night, after Keith had washed himself in cold water he went to the roof of his shack and lay back looking up at the stars. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could feel something, some wisp of a feeling that nagged at him and prevented him from sleeping. It felt like a tugging, something was calling him from far away and he had no idea why or how. Finally he gave up on his star-lit vigil and slipped down to get on his hover bike. He pulled a scarf up over his nose and mouth and revved the engine, something was pulling at him, yanking his mind in a certain direction. He followed it's call.  
  
He sped through the desert until he reached an unusual arrangement of rocks, he cut the engine and looked at them curiously before sliding off his bike and digging a flash light from his back pocket. He turned it on and shone it around, searching for...something. It took him an hour of exploring until he came across a strange carving beside a cave wall, Keith frowned at the shape of a lion. He'd never seen anything like it and when he reached out to touch it he felt a small shock of something run through his fingers. Something stirred inside him, rendering him breathless as he stared at the image. Quickly he took out his phone and snapped a picture.   
  
It was important, somehow. He didn't know why or how he knew. He spent the better part of the following year obsessing over his discovery, he was no archaeologist but something about the carvings drew him in. He started to have strange dreams about a fiery object falling from the sky and a deep, foreboding lions roar. He would wake from these in a cold sweat, shivering and drenched as terror clawed it's way up his throat to choke him. He took out his knife, bent over and unwrapping it carefully to reveal the strange purple symbol on it. He trailed his fingers over it, hypnotised by the glint of moonlight off the metal. It never needed cleaning or sharpening, the metal was strange and always perfect. He ran his thumb down the edge, watching a bead of bright blood seep from the tiny wound. Absently he licked it off and frowned. Some deep seated instinct told him that his knife and the strange carvings were related in some way, he just didn't know how.   
  
Keith's wall soon became a deranged map of all the clues and new discoveries. Strings criss-crossed it, connecting points and he had pinned pictures of the carvings he had found. Adam tried once again to visit, this time bringing food. He found Keith passed out on his sofa, clothes covered in dust and a few new bruises to add to his collection. He looked fragile laid out on the sofa, eyes closed and obviously dreaming as his eyelids fluttered. His shirt was filthy, stained with dirt and a dark stain that could have been blood and judging by the bags beneath his eyes he hadn't been sleeping. Adam set down his supplies and moved to what he assumed to be a camping stove in place of an oven. He grabbed some eggs and a rusty old frying pan and set to work. He and Shiro had ended on bad terms but he knew that Shiro would never forgive him for allowing his precious adopted brother fall into despair and fade away. Adam was painfully aware of Keith's feelings for his ex, it had been written all over his face whenever they were in the same room together. He also knew that Shiro was oblivious, refusing to see the obvious whether through fear or simple ignorance Adam was never sure.   
  
He cooked up the eggs and some bacon before he heard a soft gasp, a groan and a soft thud. He turned to find Keith pulling himself up from the floor, rubbing a shaking hand over his face with a frown of sleepy confusion, “Awake now are we?”  
  
Keith jerked upright, eyes wide and alight with an animalistic fire. He gripped a knife in his hand, one he always carried, and brandished it with some skill in Adam's direction, “What the hell're you doing here?!” He demanded.  
  
“I'm making you breakfast,” Adam turned his back to plate up the food, “It's not much but I'm sure it's better than the Garrison rations you've been living off.”  
  
Keith looked confused when Adam turned around with two full plates, he backed off to the sofa as Adam pushed off the stacks of old magazines that cluttered the table. He set the food down and offered him a fork, “Eat. Then we'll talk about what the hell that is.” He waved a hand over at the wall.  
  
Keith frowned at the food, still only half-awake before hunger won out and he began scarfing the meal down like it had been a while since he last ate. Adam watched, feeling sadness wash over him. Keith was still only a teenager, yet he was utterly alone in this world. He had no friends and no family, no one willing to look out for him. Now he understood why Shiro took him under his wing.  
  
“When was the last time you had a proper meal, Keith?”  
  
Keith paused, fork half way to his mouth, “Uh...Dunno. I had a candy bar at some point.” He shrugged dismissively, “Haven't had much time to get food.”  
  
“Keith,” Adam sighed, “You need to eat. You're wasting away here. Why don't you go into the city and look for a job, then you can sell this place-”  
  
“No.” Keith said sharply, “This is the only place I have left of my dad.”  
  
“Ok. But you could still find a job, you're clever enough and have some useful skills.”  
  
“I don't need a job, Adam. I'm fine as I am.”  
  
“You've lost weight since I last saw you,” Adam tilted his head, “And when was the last time you washed?”

  
“What are you, my mother?” Keith sneered, eyes flashing with anger, “I'm fine. I can look after myself.”  
  
Adam eyed the filthy room, “Yeah, sure you can,” He sighed.  
  
When they had finished and Adam had taken the dirty plates outside to wash them in the barrel used to store water, he came back inside and saw Keith standing before his wall of strange images and predictions. He was frowning, turning his knife over and over in his hand, “What is that?” Adam asked curiously, looking at a photo of a bunch of rocks, some with strange carvings on them.  
  
“It's...just some stuff I'm looking into.” Keith replied dismissively.  
  
“But why?”  
  
Keith took a breath, hesitated and then shook his head, “You wouldn't believe me if I told you,”  
  
“Try me.”  
  
“Well...I've been having this...weird feeling like something's been calling me. I went out into the desert one night, following my gut and found images of this...lion thing. I've been picking up weird transmissions,” He indicated an ancient looking piece of tech lying in the corner, “All of them have been mostly garbled nonsense but...but one word keeps standing out...It doesn't make much sense. The pictures on the rocks seem to indicate that there's gonna be some kinda event, something falling from the sky and soon.” Keith flushed and shifted awkwardly, “So, I'm trying to put all these pieces together but at the moment not a lot is making sense.”  
  
“And you've been obsessing over this for...how long?”  
  
Keith shrugged, “Dunno. A while.”  
  
“Keith, this is...insane.” Adam sighed, shaking his head, “You're killing yourself looking for something that doesn't exist. I understand that losing Takashi was hard on you, it was on all of us but you have to start letting go. It's not healthy to hang on like this.”  
  
Keith's shoulders sagged as he stared at his wall, “He's alive, Adam.” he insisted quietly, one hand rising to touch a picture that sat in the corner of his notice board. Adam's stomach dropped; it showed Shiro stood beside a young, dark haired cadet with a proud smile on his face and a hand in the boys hair. He felt sick seeing that smile, those soft, thoughtful eyes glued to the boy at his side, “I know he's alive and I'm gonna find out what happened if it's the last thing I do.”  
  
“And nothing is going to persuade you otherwise?” Adam sighed, finally giving up. It was pointless trying to help someone who refused to help themselves. Slowly he rose, “All I ask is that you eat and look after yourself better. I won't be here for a while, I'm being sent off-base for a training mission.”  
  
Keith stared at Shiro's face in silence, listening to Adam's footsteps as he walked away. He pulled the picture free of it's corner and hugged it to his chest, head bowed as the engine of Adam's car started up, “I'll find you Shiro...just...wait for me.”  
  
That night Keith went out on his bike, seeing a bright flash of fire in the sky. His heart leapt, he didn't fully understand what was happening or what he would find when whatever it was landed but he knew he had to go. He had to find whatever it was.  
  
The ship was cordoned off by the military but it was an easy enough task to distract and infiltrate their decontamination tent. He ran inside, face hidden and knocked anyone who got in his way unconscious before finding the object of their attention. He yanked down his mask and moved forward, peering cautiously at the person lying on the table. His stomach tightened, eyes widening as he reached out and his fingers brushed a familiar jaw. He tilted the head towards him and he felt his breath leave him in a rush of intense emotion, “ _Shiro_ ,”

 


End file.
